Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Christmas thought on tolerance

Christmas is almost here!  I am so excited!  It is my absolutely favorite time of year.  I just love the feeling of it.  However I wish there was more tolerance in our country.  We founded this country on the right to religious freedom. Only when it comes down to it, opponents of religion feel that they have the right to force us into retreat.  I am not offended by the Menorah, because I am not Jewish.I am not offended by anyone's faith if it is what is in their heart and is important to them.  It actually makes me sad.  Not because someone does not believe in God, of course that saddens me to a point, because I know how He has impacted my life for the good, but I would not ever make someone feel less than me because we do not agree.
This is a time of year that we can show love, gratitude, compassion, and serve one another.  Why then does it bring out the worst in others?
I hope that you all have what you wish for at this holiday season, and I hope that we will work on our tolerance. Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Happy Thanksgiving

I love Halloween, but like all holidays, it is over much too fast, and now we are fast approaching Thanksgiving day.  I can't believe it.  I am far from my extended family this holiday season, but I am sure that it will be a good one anyway.  I have made a goal of carrying some of the holiday traditions that our families have had on to our own family now.  I am excited to make memories with our children.  My husband Tony and I have been together for such a long time and come through the other side of so many trials that we have so much to be grateful for... things that I want our children to be aware of and grateful for also.  When you survive anything that this world throws at you, there is a reason for gratitude and joy.  The only thing that makes me sad though, at this time of year, is how shopping has become the main reason for the season.  We launch ourselves into Halloween, and Christmas, but somewhere along the way, we have lost sight of the real reason that we should be celebrating.  It should be a time when we celebrate our triumphs, survivals, and small victories.  We also need to be grateful for the family, and/or friends that are in our lives.  For those who have answered our prayers and lifted our spirits.  It makes me sad that we (as a society) have started to value the greatest deal at the store.  The 50% off or more that we can get for stuff.  We are forgetting about the smiles, laughter, joys, moments of peace, and moments of kindness that happen around us everyday.  We tend to be either too tense, too stressed, too lonely, too angry, or too worried about the stuff we can buy.  Are we buying each other's affections, or are we sharing in the love that we have for each other?  I worry about that question a lot.  I want this time of year to reflect those loved ones and those moments that mean more to me than anything that could be bought at a store.  
Sorry.  I don't mean to go on, and on, but I do love these holidays and I hope that good things have happened to you all.  I hope that you have memories and moments that can be shared, remembered and will make you happy.  I hope that at this hectic time in our lives we will take the time to say thank you... for all that you have done for me. It does not have to be spectacular, magical moments, it just has to make you smile to remember.  
Please don't rush right over Thanksgiving.
Stop and smell the turkey, pumpkin pie, potatoes, yams, sweet potatoes, and other foods that you save for just this time of the year.  
Don't hurry on to Christmas.  
Stop for a moment and show your gratitude for those you love, and have a very
Happy Thanksgiving. 

Monday, October 21, 2013

The Grey Area of Faith

  Faith is a very fragile thing.  Even those who have exceeding faith can struggle with it.  We each face circumstances that make us question the motives of the fates, and wonder why it is that bad things can happen to good people.  You may wonder why you are being punished.  I will be honest and say that I have struggled with those for most of my life.  But my father in heaven never failed me. If anything I have failed him with my lack of trust, my disbelief in his promises, my lack of faith in his plan, the plan he has for me... for all of us.  I don't know if I have faith that could part the Red Sea, and though I am taught that I could if I believed purely enough, and if it was meant for me to perform such an act, I doubt that I would be able too. I'm not even sure that I could soften a heart with my words, but in my imperfection I have a great desire to grow.  I have the desire to learn, and strengthen my faith, and that makes a difference.  I believe that that is why we are here facing the question of the whole, "meaning of life" question.  I know I come here from heaven in order to gain a physical body, learn, grow, face trials and adversity, deal with the consequences of my choices, and actions, and have my faith tried.  All this so that return to my heavenly home, stand before Jesus Christ and my Heavenly Father and receive my punishment, or reward depending on how well I've done during my time here.  Repentance is such a blessing, but that is a topic for another post.  
  We have a notable quote in my church, which is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (or as we are nicknamed "the Mormons", it says that "Faith without works is dead."  What does that mean?  My interpretation of that is that if I do not live, or act throughout my life in faith, it cannot grow, and it will fade until it is gone.  I've watched it happen to loved ones, and I have recovered my own faith from the brink myself.
  Our lives are so fast paced.  Every interaction in our lives seems to throw us into a popularity contest.  No one wants to be accountable for our behavior.  No one wants to deal with the consequences of our actions, obviously, and who wants to be told that they are the reason for their own troubles, circumstances, or sorrow, and misery.  Not me, however, I have to if I want to learn or change anything.  It wasn't until I started taking responsibility for myself (all that entails), and my life that I began to find myself and my happiness.
  It wasn't until I attended a pain clinic to learn how to deal with my chronic pain, and how to deal with the emotions that came along with the emotions that come with the crippling pain I was dealing with on a daily basis.  As my husband rightly pointed out, when I am hurting, feeling guilty, sad, or hurting I can really be mean.  A hard fact to gulp down, but it was a defensive thing.  I have worked very hard to stop that either before it starts or during, followed quickly by apologies.  I slip sometimes... I'm human... I admit it.
  I also had to talk to my doctor about my chronic depression, my post traumatic stress disorder, and my P.M.D.D., which for those who do not know is P.M.S. pumped up on steroids.  You might not believe this, but I found that I wasn't wonder woman, and I was not going to be able to just shake off my moods.  Although I had to learn to have a more positive attitude.  I also had to realize that I could not do it on my own.
  I believe in the benefit of therapy, and I know that I could benefit from it, but I was truly astonished by what the medication did for me.  I felt like myself again (for the first time in years).  I also use herbal remedies, but my point is that I have a chemical imbalance in my body, and my brain.  No matter what I do, I cannot fight this particular problem on my own, no matter how stubborn I am.
  I'm not telling you this to gain pity, or to complain.  What I want to convey to you is that there is a lot of grey area when it comes to faith.  I believe that God knows that.  I also believe that he also takes that into account when he is judging us.  I believe also that our faith, even if we do our best to keep it strong and active will go through ebbs and flows like the waves of an ocean.  How then do you keep your faith strong?  You go back to those primary basics that we teach our children.  We teach them to pray, read their scriptures, go to church, be honest and fair, and choose the right.  Belief patient is simple.  Faith is simple.  Trust is hard.  Overcoming our circumstances can be hard.  Being patient can be excruciating.  Not being judgmental might require some tongue biting, but when I come down to it, we have to make up our minds, and make the decision to do our best.
  I have perfect faith in some things, but I struggle with others, and sometimes I am not doing my best (for whatever reason I come up with) and I know it, but I have the desire, and I have choice.  Choice is a gift.  It can be a life altering action, for good or ill, but we all have it.  However, now that you have been reminded of that... what are you going to do with it?  Me, I am going to keep working at it and I am going to keep trying to improve on myself.  It won't be easy, but I am not going to give up.  I wish you luck too.


Just a Thought

Having someplace to go is home.
Having someone to love is family.
Having both is a blessing.

Sunday, March 24, 2013


I have found that if you want to understand the writing, you need to understand the writer.  So much of us is reflected in the words we use and the way that we use them.  The human heart is an ocean.  It is deep, vast, and complicated, and it can create magic.  Words are one of the most wonderful and important tools that we have at our disposals.  We can use them to create and destroy, depending on how we choose to use them.  I hope that I can use my abilities, which I am working hard to improve on everyday, for good.  I want to inspire, and create my own kind of magic.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

My Current Struggle

Okay,  so is anyone else finding it impossible to get anything done with Facebook, and Pintrest keeping the distractions coming?  Aaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!
I cannot get anything done!  Is this the pain caused by addiction?
I don't like it, but I can't force myself to stop.
I am a writer with SEVERE writers block. There is nothing more difficult than feeling like you can't get your thoughts straight, or keep them coming long enough to have purpose.  I am frustrated.  There is plenty of time in the day, but my priorities are totally miss placed right now.  I have tried meditation, and sitting down with a notebook, then my computer, but then the temptations were too much.  I feel like such a waste of skin right now.  The new year is not going as smoothly as I thought it would.  Uh... I want to do great things, but there are just to many days when I don't push myself hard enough.  Maybe I can blame it on the winter blues.  I should get some sunshine.  I live in Arizona after all.  Anyway... wish me luck.  I am going to try again.