Pain

Well, it has come to this.  I am currently awaiting the day when I am going to go through the first of two "pain" surgeries.  They will be severing my nerves in my lower back.  One side on Tuesday and the other, two weeks later.  Fun.  I am nervous to say the least, mostly though that it won't work.
I have done the pain clinics, and tried my best, but this is it.  It is my last resort.
I know that other people in the world have been through tons more than me, and I don't want to seem like a complainer.  I just have reached my "personal" limit.
I want my life back.  I want to contribute more to my family.  I want to live life again, and find a new normal.
Sorry.  That sounds like complaining.  Only truly, that is how it feels.
I have lived with all sorts of pain, but I have found that though the emotional pain is harder to deal with, and harder to let go of, I also found that physical pain is much harder to withstand.  I guess that is why physical torture can open mouths faster than therapy.
That is an terrible joke.  I'm sorry, but doesn't that make sense?
I admire those people who go through those horrifying accidents and survive all sorts of tragedies.  I admire our soldiers who give up no only their lives, but their limbs.
I even admire those soldiers who give up a little bit of their sanity and peace of mind.  I myself suffer from P.T.S. D (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome), and it can take away everything that  makes life worth while.
However, physical pain can also tax you in more ways than you expect, and it can take away worthwhile moments too.  I have had many of mine lost and put on hold.
Anyway.  I am nervous about surgery.  I am nervous about the outcome.  I am even nervous about the needles.  Uhhh.
But I still hold onto hope.  I have too.  I can't allow it keep doing this to me.  I want to live.  It is amazing how you can take those small life moments for granted.  I feel like I wasted so much of my healthy youth.  Wow I can be depressing, sorry.  It's hard not to feel like this when you have been stuck in bed for a while.
I am just grateful for my husband and my kids, who love me and are willing to put up with me. Thank you Tony, and my babies.  You all mean the world to me and I don't know where I would be without you.
Wish me luck.

Puppy Post

This is Vlad. (top)  That is Jasper. (bottom)
They are our two new additions.  They are English Masstiff puppies.  Their personalities are perfect for our family, you just have to get past the drooling.  Otherwise, they are perfect home bodies.  We have had this breed before, and love them dearly.  When we had to put down Gus, who had a horrible case of bloat, we did not think that we would want another so soon, but it turned out we did. Here they are.  Our new loves, even though Gus is never far from our thoughts.

A thought

The greatest gift we can give is a little bit of ourselves.

Just a thought.

The Gilbert Temple Open House

  I got a chance to go to the Gilbert Temple open house, here in Arizona, on Thursday with my family.  We have watched them build this spectacular bit of heaven almost since the beginning.  To go through it and see its extraordinary beauty for ourselves was quite a gift for the spirit.  I feel that I am incredibly fortunate to have the opportunity to see on a regular basis.  I also feel blessed to have the knowledge that these buildings are a gift from my Father in Heaven, because he wants us to have every opportunity to have eternal families, and all of the strength he can offer us.

Quote I Appreciate

I love this quote from Gordon B. Hinckley's book, "One bright shining Hope".

He said, " Life is never a failure until we call it such.  There are so many who need your helping hands, your loving smile, your tender thoughtfulness."

That is so true. We can do so much good in this life, if we only take the time, besides we only fail if we don't try.  I hope that you will take the time to look for those things that will uplift you, inspire you, or make you feel happy and peaceful.  This book of quotes has been all of that for me.
Hugs friends.

Winter Wishes

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Christmas thought on tolerance

Christmas is almost here!  I am so excited!  It is my absolutely favorite time of year.  I just love the feeling of it.  However I wish there was more tolerance in our country.  We founded this country on the right to religious freedom. Only when it comes down to it, opponents of religion feel that they have the right to force us into retreat.  I am not offended by the Menorah, because I am not Jewish.I am not offended by anyone's faith if it is what is in their heart and is important to them.  It actually makes me sad.  Not because someone does not believe in God, of course that saddens me to a point, because I know how He has impacted my life for the good, but I would not ever make someone feel less than me because we do not agree.
This is a time of year that we can show love, gratitude, compassion, and serve one another.  Why then does it bring out the worst in others?
I hope that you all have what you wish for at this holiday season, and I hope that we will work on our tolerance. Merry Christmas!