Today was an amazing day. It did not start out that way but eventually it did get there. I dragged around this morning, taking my normal diet of monsters... every pain pill I need to get me back to feeling slightly able to get out of bed. I fired up my heating pad and prepared to take my voyage steps toward the bathroom. Chronic pain can really make the simplest things feel as though you have to a mountain to climb. So the day started. I worked on school with my littlest one, and made sure that everyone had breakfast, brushed their teeth and so forth. Everyone had started their day. A few important chores were completed, (I supervised) like the dogs were let out to pee. Their food and fresh water were prepared and then the carpets were thoroughly vacuumed; something that HAS to be done when you have a number of big, slobbery, wonderful dogs. The kids got their work done, while my husband and my oldest daughter went to Cosmoprof to get some hair supplies. If you saw my past post you would know that my daughter recently did a color melt of deep blue to teal on my hair. Well, that gave my 13 year old the courage to get her hair done too, but like so many processes in life.... there are a few hiccups. She needed to go and get a specific toner to work with my daughters lightening of her naturally dirty blond hair.
Long story longer... my husband brought back lunch and we had a picnic in our room. We've had to adapt a lot of things with me always having to lie down with the heating pad and meds. We sometimes put on an old monster movie on the weekends and everyone hangs out with me, and some buttered popcorn of course. lol.
So... we completed our day... I got myself ready for physical therapy (at 3:30 p.m.) By then, and I really don't know why... I was feeling very hyper and full of anxiety. I tried to lay down, take my afternoon doses, and listen to some relaxing music on Pandora (with my headphone), and it helped, and by the time we got to p.t. I was feeling quite a bit better.
Now this is important. On Wed. the 17th of Feb. I had gotten another round of shots in my hips. It was a bilateral, S.I. joint injection. Basically, I got a lot of painful shots in my hips and around my tailbone. When you receive this... you feel pretty good when you get home. However, eventually that wears off. I did feel relief in my hips (pain that is on both sides and mostly effects my right leg right now). When the sedation wears off... you have to manage the injection site pain. That passes after just a day or two.
So back to today, I was a little sore, but was doing great. I think a mistake some people make is that they get injections, you get immediate relief, but if you rush your activity... you are going to be back to hurting... badly. I try to rest for the first few days in order for the medicine they injected to have time to do what it is meant to do. I cannot emphasize this enough. You have to learn to pace yourself when it comes to pain relief, or pain management. That is what I did, and it finally paid off. I have had p.t. for quite a few months. When I started... well I could barely walk, and when they started my with the simplest of exercises I thought to myself... "This is pathetic.It's going to take me years to make any progress". However, they would monitor my progress and when they thought I could do it... they would up my challenge level. They gave me a stronger exercise band with a greater resistant level. They have quite a few different levels of resistance. They would also give me a new exercise.
They would have me try to use weights, Ride the stationary bike for a few minutes. I started at two minutes and I'm now up to 5. So I was making progress. I tried to work out at home, but found that after one day of work out... I had to rest for 2 or 3. I had workouts 2 times a week. It was hard to keep believing that this was going to do anything for me. Then a few months later we come to today. A day unlike any other, except that this time I walked in feeling pretty great. The shots had worked. I was virtually... well almost... pain free. I was struggling with muscle spasms (which always happens when one area of pain is relieved. It is like my muscles go into freak out mode).
Nevertheless, I went in there and was feeling pretty good. Little did I know how good I was. I was able for the first time.... EVER... I was able to do every single exercise they ever wanted me to do. It was amazing. I felt like a new person! I was over the moon and high on happiness. I couldn't wait to tell my kids how well I had done. My husband was there with me, but it felt amazing to have him be proud of me. I hurried to the kitchen, got a snack and ate a baby kosher dill pickle. I spent a few minutes petting my dogs and just absolutely reveling in my joy. I even took a few minutes to snog my husband. A problem that people who live with extreme chronic pain is that your love life tends to suffer... greatly. If all you feel is pain, and your meds. barely give you relief, you don't really feeling kissing and anything else... is near impossible. But today I felt so good, I just had to give him a little catching up time. Now, I might pay for this day... in fact I know that I will, because it is all beginning to flood back into me, but I am not going to let it stop me from believing that there is still a chance for me. By the way... wheelchairs don't work for me... I cannot sit (especially without my orthopedic pillow) for any real length of time. Bed it is for me. I can have horrible days, when I don't have any hope, but every now and then... a miracle is possible. Today was that day. So, I have made a very grand decision. I am going to take my days one day at a time. I am going to realize that I might hurt so bad that I cannot function, but that does not mean that everyday is going to be like that. I am meeting with a surgeon on the 29th of this month. I hope that after we meet... it won't be long until we can implant my spine stimulator. If it is successful... I could be pain free, or at least pain manageable for many days at a time. I also realize that I might never be able to go without pain medicines completely, but now... because of today... I have hope. I am not going to let any setbacks, that might actually start tonight...get me down and take away my hope. I will always try to remember to have hope. Even if I have to make a giant sign to hang on my wall. lol.
I wanted to pass on this crazy... jumbled... long... windy path that is my life and my story in order to help someone who might be going through the same sort of situation that I am in. I hope that by somehow passing this on to you... whoever you are... or anyone who may be trying to find some hope, encouragement... or whatever... I hope that this might bring you some comfort at least. Try to remember that you are not alone. I suffer from chronic and extreme spine, hip, neck and leg pain, but I am not going to be giving up on a better quality of life any time soon. I wish you all good health, relief from what ails you, happiness and hope. I hope that you will find that thing that inspires you. I hope that you will find that thing that brings you comfort and can give you your life back. Remember, that if you need to... you can search for a second opinion. If your doctor is not filling your needs...don't be afraid to ask for what you need to make your quality of life better. Most doctors become fairly offended if you ask them to refer you to someone else. A good thing to do is look on the internet. Often you can find reviews from patients letting you know how good the quality of their care was. You can also talk to friends, family and other people in your life like that. Unfortunately, I didn't find the help I needed until we took a big step and moved to Arizona. We prayerfully went to where we thought the climate might be best for our various ailments. Now we both feel so much better. (my husband suffers from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and other conditions). I do pray that you can find those people that will help you find comfort, the kind that I needed so desperately. Good luck you guys, and remember that if you are at your wits end... there is prayer. If you have never prayed before... then please try. God is listening.
For me... we always begin by addressing the father. Say, "Father in heaven... I come before thee in prayer to ask... Then end with, "In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen." It is that simple. You can fill the contents of your prayer any way you want... and no one ever need know... unless you want them to know. But from experience... I can promise that He hears you. Just talk to him like you would a loved one, because I do believe he loves you. Anyway, this is me. This is my life. This is my belief, and it has worked for me so far. I do hope that you will have love, comfort, encouragement and hope. Talk at ya soon. Later.