Friday, October 7, 2011

A Difficult Anniversary

Today is the anniversary of my son's death.  He passed away 15 years ago.  Hard to believe it has been so long, and still, most days feels so fresh.  Anthony was my first born and would have been nineteen this December.  I don't feel old enough to have a child that age.  It is crazy to me.
Anthony was such a sweet loving little boy.  An angel on earth really.  He had a lot of physical limitations, but his heart was as big as the great out doors.  He had big blue eyes, which even though they did not work, could look into your heart and soul.  He had auburn colored hair and sported the traditional mullet of the time, but it was so cute on him.  His skin was soft as a babies, even as he got older.  He could not hear properly, he had severe brain abnormalities, and could not speak or walk, but he could laugh.  He had a laugh that warmed you to your core.  He loved to stand out the window, and absorb the sunlight.  He used to sit on the floor in the morning, where the sun shone warm on the carpet, and he would smile and bounce.  It made him so happy.  Something so simple.
He loved milk shakes, and if you brought a snack to the couch, especially puffy Cheetos, he new it.  He would crawl across the room and he was in your lap in a second, waiting for you to give him one.
He loved everyone he met and he loved deeply and with his whole heart.  He was... precious... does not seem to be a descriptive enough word.  He was loving, charming, loved life, and sacrificed himself in order to teach us what we needed to know, to make his sisters condition (who came 3rd in our line) not simpler, but more manageable.  We knew what to look for in her, because of him, and we were able to prepare ourselves, which you never really can, but he made us aware and more able to take care of her.
He is missed desperately, but I know without any doubt that he is never far away, and he is always waiting for our reunion.  In the mean time, he takes care of his sisters on the other side for us.  Forever a big brother.
I miss you Anthony, and I can't wait until we see you again.  I'll probably cry tonight, but right now, I am happy, because you are mine. 

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