Sunday, October 9, 2011

Just thinking out loud today

I had a really nice day at church today.  Hearing the testimonies of others is always special.  It is nice to learn who needs your prayers too.    I liked learning about the Epistle of Hebrews and the signs of the times.
I really believe that education is the fastest way to good self esteem.  You can never underestimate the power and strength you can get from learning and growing as an individual.  I don't think that we, as moms, take care of ourselves enough.  I think that we do not take our role as women seriously.  We can change the world, if we all supported each other, and took care of ourselves.
How can we take care of anyone if we are burned out, spent, frustrated, full of regret, or ignorant to the better ways of living.
I believe that doing what is right, living a good and honest life, and living a life full of growth and true happiness, is much better than living a life trapped by addiction, sorrow and depression, temptations, living for others and never being happy or satisfied with yourself.
I have never been very confident and to be honest, for a long time, I gave up everything I was and everything that was good about me to fit in.  Do you have any idea where it got me?
I was ashamed, disgusted in myself, trapped in a pattern that I could not understand or get out of.  I was so sad, and I did not think I was worthy to take another breath.  I did not want to live.
It has taken me 37 years and a lot of experience, good and bad, to begin to see that I have purpose. However, we all have purpose.
Fear and insecurity can rob us of anything that may be worth living for.  Women have fought for every freedom, right, and ounce of respect that we deserved, but some of us throw ourselves to the wolves, because we don't feel like we deserve any better.
Everyone knows someone who does not believe in themselves, or have given up, and it sorrows me to my core.  I was there, and sometimes I am again.  If you are living a life that makes you sad, makes you feel like you want to give up, or even have, then you need to take a step back.  You need to reevaluate your situation and make those hard choices.  I don't have friends in my life, because I decided that the ones I had, did not care about me because they sincerely cared about me.  You have to decide, what and who are toxic to you.  That is the hardest thing to do.
Being honest with yourself is not easy, in fact is sometimes the hardest thing in the world to do.  Someone  once said, "Being good can be very lonely."  We all want to fit in.  We all want to feel attractive, wanted, cared for, but at what cost does it come to you?
I would rather be alone, that go back to the way life was for me.  I was miserable, self destructive, angry, sad, and I had given up.
Now, I am happy (most of the time), I am laughing sincerely again (something that was not always real).  I am enjoying things that I never dreamed I would again.  I have a beautiful family who loves me.  Confidence I never had before.  I feel smarter (something I never believed that I was.)  I am developing talents that I never thought I would be able to do.  I am in love with my husband.  I am in love with my children, and best of all, I am beginning to love myself.
Life is not easy, but there is purpose to us and everyone we meet.  Sometimes we just have to look for it, and it is not always easy to find.  When you find it it will make you smile.

There is a quote I like from the book I obviously read a lot.  It says, "Rise to the great potential within you.  I do not ask that you reach beyond your capacity.  I hope that you will not nag yourselves with thoughts of failure.  I hope you will not try to set goals far beyond your capacity to achieve.  I hope you will simply do what you can do in the best way you know how.  If you do so, you will witness miracles come to pass."  
"One bright and Shining- Hope Messages for women, from Gordon B. Hinckley."

Don't give up, whatever situation you are in.  If I can overcome the trials of my life, so can you.  Nothing is so impossible, because if you are here and you are alive, God is giving you a chance to make your life right.  Hang in there , and if you know someone who is struggling, consider for a moment what you can do to uplift them, even if that means just listening, and being a friend.  You never know what a little love and comfort can do.
Thanks for your time.  I'm just a simple girl, but I have a deep ocean of a heart.  I hope this helps someone. Sincerely.

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